


Step, Stay and Home

by wollknaeull



Category: Original Work
Genre: Depression, Friendship, Home, Other, Suicidal Thoughts, Sunsets, rooftop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:48:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25915360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wollknaeull/pseuds/wollknaeull
Summary: The thoughts of a person and their devil and angel on the shoulder about sitting on a rooftop and the thought of suicide.
Kudos: 1





	Step, Stay and Home

**Step, Stay and Home**

Do you know how relaxing and beautiful it is on a rooftop? At least when the sun sets. You see the red light at the horizon behind all the other houses, you hear the birds singing and maybe you can hear a few cars in the distance. The warm wind touching your face and playing with it. It’s peaceful. You can just lock the world out and enjoy the moment. 

That’s what I would tell you if you’d ask me what I was doing up there. It would be the answer most people would give you if asked. But for me reality is much harder.

“Just one more step and everything will be better.” It’s always the same. The devil/angel (I’m still not sure who they are so let me just call them “Step”) on my shoulder always says the same thing. They always say it will be better afterwards. I don’t know if that’s true. I never had the chance to take one more step bevor…

“Don’t do it! You know it won’t help you. What about your friends and family?” It’s like a Déjà vu. Every time Step starts talking it only takes a second for the other devil/angel (Let’s just call them “Stay”) to jump in. Which is ironic cause it stops me from jumping. But it doesn’t stop me from coming onto the same rooftop every single week. Neither does what comes next. Like I said, it’s like having a Déjà vu.

I sit down. It’s always best to just let Step and Stay do their thing. It really is beautiful up here.

“Come on! Stay you know it’s the best for them. Just one more step and all the pain and sadness will be gone!” I’ve heard Step say these things so often. But there’s something true about it. Everything would stop. 

“Yes. It would stop. But so would everything else. Even all the fun and the happiness they have with their friends and family. Why would they want this to stop?” Stay has good points too. I have fun with my friends and family.

“But the sadness! We see them come up here every single week. Why would they come up here if the happiness is stronger than the sadness?” I turn my head to the shoulder Step is standing on. This is new. I thought I’ve heard everything they have to say. 

“They always came up here. Even bevor they became so sad. They like it up here don’t you see?” It’s really interesting hearing this. This is new. And totally wrong. 

I look at them. Step isn’t the villain. They look like a normal person, only their face is different. It’s full of sadness. The sadness I’m feeling. Stay isn’t any different. Just a normal person with a face full of sadness. The only difference are the eyes. Step’s eyes are dead while you can see the hope in Stay’s. They both look like me. They both think like me. But for the first time they’re both wrong.

I don’t come up here because of the sadness. I don’t come up here because I like it up here. I come up here because of what’s about to happen next.

“You okay?”, I hear a voice say. Before I turn around I start smiling.

“Yeah. I’m fine. Do you know how relaxing and beautiful it is on a rooftop? At least when the sun sets. You see the red light at the horizon behind all the other houses, you hear the birds singing and maybe you can hear a few cars in the distance. The warm wind touching your face and playing with it. It’s peaceful. You can just lock the world out and enjoy the moment.” Like a Déjà vu. But this time it’s not bad. This is the reason I’m up here.

“You’re right. It really is wonderful up here. But it’s getting cold. So why don’t you come back down with me and we do something together? Like watching a movie or eating something.” She asks. She knows I’m not fine but she also knows the only way she can help me is by just being herself. And she does this every single week. Shows me why I shouldn’t listen to Step. But also shows me Stay isn’t always right. Cause sometimes I’m sad because of friends and family. And at these times Stay is turning into Step. 

But she’s always there, taking Stay’s role. But she isn’t Stay. She’s something different. She’s more. More than friends, more than family. She’s home.

“Yes. I would love to watch a movie with you and eat something.” I answer still smiling. Step and Stay are silent now. They’re no longer present, as always when she’s around.

“Nice. I just baked your favourite cake.” 

Stay and Step are gone. But as soon as she’s gone, they’ll return again. I will end up at the roof again and they will argue again. And in the end, she will appear on the roof and take me down, me being unharmed and still breathing.

“Again? Didn’t you just bake it last week?”, I say leaving the roof behind her.

“Yes, I did. But I just thought you might want it again this week” she answers me, smiling. This is it. This is the thing I come up here for. This exact smile makes it worth every single hour of sadness. This is Home.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading my story. It's the first one i wrote and the first i decided to put up on any website. I hope you all like it :)


End file.
